I could still feel the crystals laying on my eyes even when they weren’t there. Where did the damn things go? They must’ve rolled off during the night, fallen off the sheets. I knew I should never have believed that holistic shopkeeper. She was more gypsy hag than a proprietor but the prospect of using crystals to deal with my depression, other than psychoactive drugs was less expensive and less harmful.

I didn’t feel any different but I wasn’t sure they crystals even stayed on the whole night. The usual tightness in my chest, of waking up to face another day, was gone so at least I had that going for me. The hurt in my head and heart was still there but only a shadow of what it was normally. I spent the rest of the morning looking for the gems like I had lost my keys.

The anti-anxiety meds on the counter were still there when I left to meet my parents for lunch, another situation that instantly caused my chest to tighten once more. This cycle would never end it seemed. I should be happy, I tell myself, I should be appreciative that I’m in good health and that my parents are happier than they ever were before. Perhaps now that I was out of the house, they found peace without me.

Every step of the way to the restaurant I wanted to turn back, attempting to think of an excuse not to go. Seeing people walking down the street suddenly gave me claustrophobia. My eyes twitched on the way there but I didn’t think anything of it.

When I arrived, they greeted me with a smile and we sat in the outside dining area. For a moment my anxiety and depression dissipated when I forced myself to smile. But over time I became lost in my own head. Was I a good son? Was I worthy of their affection? And that’s when it started.

I rubbed my eyes and suddenly everyone around me, the waiters, the other patrons, even my parents, froze in their positions, their eyes casting an eerie, luminous spark in my direction. Their expressions were blank and almost dead, as if they felt nothing at all. I couldn’t look at them, any of them, and fidgeted with my jacket sleeve. I had to be asleep still. This didn’t seem real. The walls were closing in on me as my throat seized up, refusing to make eye contact. They were all around me but none seemed to be real at all. I was here but I was alone, trapped, as if watching the world through a cockpit, distant and isolated.

I heard distant murmurs. Not so much murmurs but a humming, jostled whispers coming from their lightly open mouths. Desperately I tried to hear what my mother’s words but I wasn’t sure if they were words, moans, or gasps for airs, as her expressionless face was eerily placid. A stone face which was more of a pantomime of a human face than a real human face with muscle and tension. I so wish I could’ve heard what she was saying. It seemed important.

The other glowing numb faces were there staring, eternally staring, and followed me as I stood. I was the only one that was real. Everyone stood still as monuments, golems, humming, shining, and utterly nauseating. Not only was I the only real person, I was exposed. If they had any emotion, it was that of judgement. They were all judging me.

My watch also froze and there was no knowing how long I stood there. Would I be here forever? Pedestrians were frozen in place on both sides of the streets, all focusing on me. The inhumanity in their absent visages drew a stabbing in my chest. The same feeling of anxiety and depression that followed me everywhere grew to a crescendo and refused to subside.

For what must’ve been hours I waited, waited for things to return to normal but they never did. Distressed to escape this prison I tried to speak to my parents but they wouldn’t move or respond. Hollow I remained frozen myself, wishing for something, anything to prove that I wasn’t forever alone. Slowly I was forced to accept my fate and sat back down, feeling the weight of desolation collapse around me like a heavy wave crashing around me, pushing me down.

What was I supposed to do to get them to notice me, to see me, to know that I existed? Hours stretched into days. Everywhere I went there they were but they weren’t really there. The food market, the train station, the library, my job. Faces unmoving, nobodies at all. My words, pleas, and questions fell on deaf ears. Nobody. Alone. Afraid. I can’t escape this nightmare that I fear may be only in my head.

Until one day, in the realm of timelessness, I saw her. She was a beautiful sight walking down the road against a backdrop of numb faces. In a green dress she almost glided through the air with her arms outstretched. I couldn’t believe that she could actually exist in this world of nothingness but it was true. There she was, real, reaching out for me. I approached with relief in my heart, appeased at my release, and melted at her feet. On my knees I sat in front of her and waited for the words to come out of her mouth to prove to me that I wasn’t crazy, not lonely anymore.

Nothing else mattered, only my wish to embrace her and express my gratitude for the simple fact that she existed at all. She told me I was important, that I mattered, and that I would never be alone again. Tears streamed down my face as I felt my eyes start to bulge and I covered my eyes. In my hands the crystals appeared and I placed them in her open palms. She smiled and returned a gentle moan, both of us seemed to know that only good times lay ahead. The world filled with color that I hadn’t noticed before. And it was so glorious that my tears dried and I realized my life would never be the same. Forever and ever. Forever and never alone again.