I’m never who I want to be. I see the scars in the mirror and I’ve forgotten what I look like under all the scars. People decide who you are before they even meet you. They’ve already decided if they’re going to like you or hate you. Most of the time they just want to fuck you.

After I’m done cutting myself for the camera, I would probably fuck anyone if they wanted to. I let the blood drip over my body and wish I didn’t have to hurt myself for popularity. And that’s just Wednesdays. I start the week with “Mashup Mondays,” which is just me smashing my face with a meat tenderizer. It’s simple but whatever, it gets likes.

I look at myself like a flower that needs trimming, cutting away the ugly parts. Recovery takes a few hours. Nano chembots help the healing but they never mend the right way. I still see the ugly. The lines, the cracks, no matter how much I use the scissors there’s always something that I wish I could peel away.

Fire hurts the worst. It feels like burning at first but then it just feels cold and empty. I call it “Fire Fridays.” My skin boils and bubbles and it itches when I put the nano face mask on. When I take it off again most of the burnt flesh comes away with it. My skin becomes transparent for a few days. I usually take the weekends off.

I never wanted to be a camgirl. It just kinda happened. It started with selfies. I posted one and got a thousand likes. I was hooked instantly. But it never lasted. Overtime it became harder and harder to stand out. The crowds only come when you have something new to offer.

Then they’d stop all together. I needed to find another way to push the envelope. One night when I was on camera, I broke a fingernail and the audience loved it. The blood dripped down my stomach and the likes came rolling in. I needed the money so I made a choice. I had no other talents, why not just mutilate myself. I do it on my own anyways. Why not get paid for it?

I’m not a total bitch but if a poser wants to front on me, I would do the same thing to them that I do to myself. The more attention we get the more we hate those that have it. There was this girl in ShameChat who couldn’t handle the constant cutting. There weren’t enough likes to keep her going. She eventually bled out when she stressed over the negative comments. She took it personal and went too far into her wrist.

People want to see who you really are on the inside and I show it to them. My wounds bleed and the likes come rolling in. I can’t stop. It’s part of my survival mechanism. I have to sculpt myself so that people can see who I really am. I cut my face so you assholes have something to watch. Which one do you think is worse?